Do Catholics believe that I don't believe?

My husband is Catholic.  I am Lutheran.  We are both Christian.  We both love the Lord.  We both read the Bible.  We both are thankful that our Lord died on the cross for us!  But throughout our 11+ years of having a dual denomination household, I have had one thought that continuously comes back to me.  And it's a pain in my heart every time I attend a Catholic mass.

Last Sunday we worshiped in the Catholic church.  Our niece/god-daughter was receiving her first communion!  A very exciting moment, in my opinion, for any Christian!  But when I attend a Catholic mass, I can't celebrate with my family by taking communion.

But it's that same excitement of communion that brings me to tears; that makes my stomach tie up in knots tighter than almost anything else that regularly ties my stomach in knots.

Here's my statement of belief from my heart.  A feeling that can't be argued with.  Sure, others may have their opinions, but my feelings are true!

     According to Catholics, I, a Lutheran, must not be a believer, as Lutherans (or any non-Catholic) cannot celebrate communion with other believers.

 After feeling this way for many, many years, I thought it was about time to dive into the Bible to see what answers I could find to this belief of my heart.

The first passage I found was Matthew 26:26.  "...Jesus took break, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, 'Take and eat; this is my body.'"

Even as Jesus himself said those words, "This is my body," he was giving the disciples bread, a representation of His body.  At least that's how my heart and head understand that.  Surely, and eventually, Jesus' body was given and blood was shed to give forgiveness to all those who believe.  He was the perfect Lamb of God, a sinless sacrifice so that our sins could be forgiven once and for all.  All those who believe in Christ receive that forgiveness. 

So do Catholics feel that non-Catholics shouldn't receive forgiveness from Christ's sacrifice?  And if they do believe that Christ died for the sins of ALL who believe (which is what the Bible says is why Christ died on the cross, and I AM a believer), and communion is a way for Christians to celebrate that gift, then why, as a believer, am I not allowed to fellowship with other believers at the Lord's Table?

So diving into my Bible some more, and reading the study portion of it, to find some more answers, I found different names for the sacrament of the bread and wine.
    The Lord's Supper- because it commemorates the Passover meal Jesus ate with his disciples.
    Eucharist- (thanksgiving)-because in it we thank God for Christ's work for us.
    Communion- because through it we commune with God and with other believers.  

In the Catholic church it's called Eucharist.  And with that definition I certainly thank God for what His son Jesus Christ did, and continues to do, for me!  In the Lutheran church it's called communion.  And with that definition I am celebrating with other believers the sacrifice God made by sending His son to die for MY sins.  While I am eating the bread and drinking the wine, I am feeling the sacrifice Christ made.

To my understanding Catholics believe the bread and wine turn into Jesus' body and blood. (Wouldn't that be canibalism?)  To Lutherans, those elements are a representation. But isn't it the same when you get to the bottom of it?  Isn't it a time to reflect on the new covenant Christ made to us!  That in him dying on the cross, all who believe in him should have life!  When we all take communion, whether the bread and wine becomes Jesus or it it's representing Jesus, aren't we, as believers, celebrating our freedom from sin?

It truly makes me sad, to the point of tears EVERY TIME I attend a Catholic mass, when I can't commune with my husband!  And that our kids can't commune with their dad when we are in the Catholic church.

The heading for Acts 2: 42-47 is 'The Fellowship of the Believers.'  After Jesus had risen, and was seated at the right hand of his father, the people gathered together to learn more about Jesus, to fellowship, to break  bread, and to pray.

When my husband and his family, or all Catholics, to be exact, come to the Lutheran (ELCA) church, our Pastors say, right before communion, that ALL WHO BELIEVE are invited to communion.  I just wish that when I go to a Catholic church, where I can learn about Jesus with other believers, where I can fellowship with other believers, and where I can pray with other believers, that I could also break bread with my husband and other believers.

Maybe my next step needs to be talking with a priest.  Get more clarity.  Because there will be a lifetime of attending a Catholic mass, which means a lifetime of tears when it comes to the communion issue.

"Jesus is watching over us."

"Momma, Jesus is watching over us right now. He's always watching over us. Even when we're at church or at home."

That's what my 4-year-old said tonight as I was laying with him, tucking him into bed. And I was floored. He's 4! Yet he must understand so much. I truly thought he was asleep, and maybe he was. But after a few minutes of silence, he made me smile once again.

I'm wondering if it stems from our conversation we had today during supper. Which really started this morning at church. Palm Sunday. Our church waves the palms as the school-agers come in to sing at the beginning of the service. Then comes the reading of Jesus coming into Jerusalem, being betrayed 3 times, and persecuted and hung on the cross to die.

After discussing what Palm Sunday is about, and again, my 4-year-old saying that he's so sad that those "bad guys" had to kill Jesus, our conversation continued at supper with my daughter asking why we say "holy catholic (small "c") church" in the Apostle's Creed. (Side note: My husband in Catholic (big "C") and the rest of us Lutheran, and we attend the Lutheran church.) I just taught this to my 9th grade youth group, so I felt ready to explain to her.

But then she had another question. (Which I absolutely LOVE!) She had heard from others that God and Jesus are the same, but how can that be if Jesus is God's son. Oh boy! The trinity! Many adults don't even fully understand this. How are we (my husband and I) going to explain this to a 7-year-old, even if she is pretty smart. But we do! And God leads my husband to explain! (Which I secretly love b/c he's quieter on things like this!)

But the conversation goes deeper when my A-man brings up how sad it is (again) that Jesus had to die. But just as we were quick to agree that it was sad, we were just as quick to explain the JOY in why God sent his only son to die.....FOR US! That we are FOREVER SAVED and FORGIVEN, just through his GRACE!

Ending our supper with that conversation truly couldn't have been sweeter. But laying with my little buddy, knowing that he felt Jesus right there with us, just makes it even more believable to me that Jesus is watching over us!