What do you want to be when you grow up?

I've been struggling with this question myself.

Ever since I was in 3rd grade, inspired by my 3rd grade teacher Carole Reindl, I've wanted to be a teacher. That's it. A teacher. I wanted to share with others what I knew. I wanted to make a difference in kids' lives like Carole did to me. I had fun sorting papers and I LOVED cutting out laminated things. I never wanted to go out for recess because I wanted to help Mrs. Reindl with what I now know as "busy work".

Now that I'm 30 and at home with my kids, I don't know what what I want to be when I grow up. And I've never had a backup plan in case I didn't teach. This is frustrating to me at a time when my husband is back in school to do what he's wanted to do for a long time. It's also frustrating to me because I went back to get my Masters in Teaching and Learning (through St. Mary's), and now don't know if that's what I will do for the rest of my life.

So now what? Right now I'm content watching other people's blessings, and definitely being home with mine! This is truly what I have always wanted to do, if and when I was blessed with kids of my own. But there will come a time when I will want to do something that is for me! But what? I suppose I have the rest of my life to work, and for right now I have time to figure out what I will do when I choose to work outside the home.

Finding the Balance

I'm not sure if anyone really knows how to do this. And if you do, please share!

My hubby is in medical school to become a PA. I'm home with our 4 kids, also running a small daycare (8 kids). During the day, Bryan is gone for his rotations. By the time he comes home it's supper/running to events, bedtime, then studying. By the time nighttime comes, I'm pretty much at exhaustion. Well, add a baby to the mix, and there's no time for exhaustion. But I have felt like I've had to do this by myself, in order to allow Bryan the time he needs to study.

Just a little history; after I had my older daughter I fell into postpartum depression pretty severely. I kept telling myself that I was strong enough to deal with it, and that eventually it will go away. That actually made it worse. Luckily, after dealing with that, I now know what to look for!

That being said, I was able to see the signs starting last week that I was, again, heading down the dark side of postpartum. NO FUN! So add in a little negative self talk, along with the feelings of solitude and not knowing where or who I am, and I'm already a little off balance.

Now I try to add in time with a husband that I don't see or really have much communication with right now, and I feel even more lost and off balance.

So now is our time to ask all of: How do you find balance between God, spouse, family, self and job (this is my priority)?

Time to Start

There are so many things that the title refers to. I'm actually not sure where to start.

I am starting a blog. My own. Nobody else's. People say, "Take time for yourself" and good things like that. I don't get that...or maybe it's that I don't take it. But this is one thing I am going to do for myself. I'm starting this blog. I'm going to say things on here that are frank and true. They are going to be things that are on my mind, that I know others have to be going through just not saying. I'm hoping that by blogging what's on my mind, I will get it off my chest, or be able to celebrate! But I'm also hoping that through this blog my thoughts will allow others to be able to "lay their burdens down", even if it's just to me.

I will do my best for it to not be my soap box, or a pity party. I will do my best for it not to be a proud or boastful broadcast. But I promise that the things I put in here will be truthful and from the heart. And it will give me a chance to release my thoughts, to whoever will listen on here. I also promise that the things I say on here are just my feelings; they are not meant to hurt anyone, embarrass anyone, anger anyone, etc. So my apologies if any of the aforementioned happens.

Please feel free to respond to anything, or not! Again, I'm starting by doing this for myself! It's my online journal!

That being said, enjoy, if you read. God's blessings to all of you!