I'm not sure if anyone really knows how to do this. And if you do, please share!
My hubby is in medical school to become a PA. I'm home with our 4 kids, also running a small daycare (8 kids). During the day, Bryan is gone for his rotations. By the time he comes home it's supper/running to events, bedtime, then studying. By the time nighttime comes, I'm pretty much at exhaustion. Well, add a baby to the mix, and there's no time for exhaustion. But I have felt like I've had to do this by myself, in order to allow Bryan the time he needs to study.
Just a little history; after I had my older daughter I fell into postpartum depression pretty severely. I kept telling myself that I was strong enough to deal with it, and that eventually it will go away. That actually made it worse. Luckily, after dealing with that, I now know what to look for!
That being said, I was able to see the signs starting last week that I was, again, heading down the dark side of postpartum. NO FUN! So add in a little negative self talk, along with the feelings of solitude and not knowing where or who I am, and I'm already a little off balance.
Now I try to add in time with a husband that I don't see or really have much communication with right now, and I feel even more lost and off balance.
So now is our time to ask all of: How do you find balance between God, spouse, family, self and job (this is my priority)?
Oh, Brandi, I wish I knew! AND, if you find the answer...please share! All I know is that we have to rely on everyone around us for help...that means other mommies (even if it is only over the computer), member of our church, our families, neighbors, friends, and (most importantly!) God. Hang in there, Mama! :)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain Brandi...you know I do! It gets hard for me when kyle is gone for a few days, then comes home. Sometimes I know he's tired and I want to let him sleep a little extra, or just sit and watch his shows that are recorded. But I sometimes find myself feeling a little mad that I rarely ever get that time too. I beat myself up about it. But the thing to remember is that it is give and take. No matter what, you can't always give...sometimes you need to take a little for yourself tool
ReplyDeleteYes, Bryan needs that study time...but you also need a little YOU time too. And I'm sure if you talked to him, he would be more than understanding. Even if he can just take the kids for a half hour so you can go on a walk by yourself, or with a friend...I think it would help. Better yet, ask grandma to watch them so you and Bryan could go together! I try to do that when possible...or even make Kyle get up in the morning so I can sleep in. Even if its only one day a week. We NEED that as "almost single parents" like you and I are. Also remember that there are lots of people who would be willing to help...especially with that newest little peanut of yours! Call in favors, ask for help. You know I'm not kidding when I joke about taking her....I would in a heart beat! The kids would LOVE to play with a baby for an hour or two.