Lusting for Love

So, my relationship with my husband has been nothing short of a 9+ year roller coaster ride! (That's another post.) Lots of ups, some downs. So much good has come out of our relationship! But there continues to be a few issues that keep coming up. Ones that are important to me, but not so much to my husband. And ones we don't see eye to eye on. I'm sure this is normal in almost every relationship. It's about communication. Well I'm struggling to find that, among other things, right now. And it's not really a good time to bring these things up. It's Christmas time. The season of joy and laughter. Love and enjoying those around us who we love. My mind and heart just aren't following the same calender.

We talked a little bit about some of the issues a few days ago. One is trust. One is lust. (Coincidence that they rhyme???) With my thoughts, they go hand-in-hand. When there is lust, there isn't trust. When I try to sort through my issues by myself, I try to think of, and even refer to, what the Bible says. What would Jesus want for me? For B? For our marriage and family? I wasn't sure exactly the definition of 'lust', but I had the definition from my heart. It is seeing others with a sexual desire. It's taking pictures of them (complete strangers) and editing them for your pleasure. It's drinking heavily and dancing in a way that isn't appropriate. It's making comments, quietly or out loud, pertaining to a sexual thought of another person. But I wasn't sure if this was accurate. So I found this definition; a Christian definition.

And I found this as well.

2 Thessalonians 2:12. The definition of lust includes loving things that are not of God. You lust when you have pleasure in something that does not line up with the Word of God. When you partake in the pleasures of unrighteousness, you are rejecting God's truth (2 Thessalonians 2:12, "That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.",). God asks us to be vessels of sanctification and honor, and not dishonor ourselves and God by lusting after the unrighteousness (1 Thessalonians 4:4-5, "That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:"). Lust is a love that hates God and loves things that are not of God. The unrighteous' objects of lust includes sex outside of marriage, envy of something that is not yours, homosexuality, abusing your body with food, drugs, or alcohol, or the love of yourself above God.

I am not trying to point blame. I know that I, too, have my faults. My sins. And I try my best to ask forgiveness for them, and make it a point to be a better person. But when it comes to the lust thing, being on different pages is very hard for me. I want my husband and me to be together, focused on doing what God wants for us. But my husband doesn't know what his definition of 'lust' is. And when I try to talk about it, because I want to get to a place where I can move on from this, he doesn't want to talk about it. So there lies the communication thing. And there goes my trust.

I'm sure there are many people who are saying, "It's not like he's cheating on you." And I couldn't agree more! My husband is a very faithful husband. And I don't think he would ever cheat on me. (Obviously it's not 100%, but I'm pretty confident.) But to me, lusting someone is cheating of the heart. Looking at someone who is not your wife/husband and getting excited, is wrong, in my lowly opinion.

But here is where I have to leave it. Because I don't know where to go from here. B doesn't want to talk about it because 1) It's my last day of being a student (OK, justified) or 2) I don't know my definition of 'lust' (OK, figure it out) or 3) It's my graduation weekend (OK, justified). But when is it important enough to talk about it? Not in December because that's his graduation month. Not before next December because that's his graduation year. Not in his graduation decade. Hell, maybe not in his graduation century. Or at least that's how it feels to me. (Ok, that was pretty negative. Not helpful.) So now I have shut down. If it's not important enough to my husband, then maybe it shouldn't be that important to me. So I swallow it. Down it goes, hiding amidst all the other issues in my heart. The problem with that is it taints my love for my husband. And that's exactly what it's doing. I don't see my husband in the loving way the Lord wants me to see him. And that's a problem for our marriage.

I supposed when it comes down to it, I do lust. I lust for a love that God wants for us. But then again, according to the definition in the Bible, that wouldn't be "loving things that are not of God". I just want to figure this out. I want to be done feeling like maybe I'm not good enough for my husband. (I'm sure that's a whole self-esteem issue that will take me who-knows-how-long to truly fix.) I understand that in a marriage sacrifices are made. But I just don't know if just letting it go is a sacrifice I'm ready to make. I guess only time will tell...along with however God decides to answer my prayers.

Praying to Give Thanks to God

As I sit here with my little Peanut, I'm reminded again how I just need to be thankful for what I have. Really, not a day goes by without me saying something to my husband about how fortunate we are. How lucky we are. How blessed we are. And that we need to just continue to give the Lord our thanks and praise. And continue to give to those who are not as fortunate as we are.

This post comes at such a hard time in other peoples' lives. There are 3 women in my town who are fighting for their lives due to cancer. All three are amazing women. All deserve to be healthy. Yet God has given them this challenge.

We are all healthy in our family. Sure, the cold bug is in our house. Yeah, I just got over the stomach bug. But really, we are all healthy. God willing, we will be here to celebrate Christ's birth with each other in our home. That isn't the case with others. And that's heartbreaking to me.

I sent out an email last night to my family members to give them ideas of what the 6 of us would like for Christmas. I had wrestling thoughts about this. To the kids, a part of Christmas is opening up gifts. But that's not what it is for me. I was able to write down some ideas for the 4 kiddos. I asked my hubby what he would like and he really didn't have any ideas. Eventually he gave me one. But then he noticed I didn't have anything after my name. That's cuz I don't want or need anything! Truly. I would not be heartbroken if I didn't get anything this Christmas. (Santa already delivered a snow blower a little early!) I'd rather have whoever drew my name buy a Christmas tree for a family who can't get one. Or buy hats and mittens for a family who are homeless. And tell me that's what they got for me! Or make some meals for a family whose loved one is suffering with cancer.

I am going to continue to pray. To just be thankful for the things in our life that God has blessed us with. A healthy and strong marriage. The ability to have 4 healthy and beautiful kids. My husband's health. My health. The support of our family and friends who take time to listen or watch our kids when we have to go to the doctor. I'm thankful for this house I get to be in all day when it is below 0. I know these seem to be things all of us have. At least everyone I communicate with on a daily basis. But it could just as easily be me who wakes up tomorrow to a fire taking my house. I could wake up next week to hear the doctor saying I or one of my family members have cancer.

So for today, and every day after, I am going to do my best to be content with what I have. I am going to pray to God and give him thanks for the blessings he has given us thus far.

Quite possibly one of my new favorite...

Bible verses! Yeah, I know you were probably expecting something else. But this really sums up how I feel, and what my goals are for my life. At least one part. I hope you enjoy this verse, and can maybe make this a part of your life, too.

Don't forget to do good and to share what you have with those in need. For such sacrifices are very pleasing to God.
Hebrews 13:6

2010 Voracek Christmas card

Provence Holiday 2011 Christmas 5x7 folded card

Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Go Visit Manic Ceramic!!

Do you like painting? Do you like people who are just so much fun to hang out with? Do you like getting away and having girl's nights? Then go visit Manic Ceramic! They have fun things for adults and kids alike!

Tonight they had a ladies' night! And to make it fun it was pajamas night!! Wear your pjs, BYOB and they provide the snacks! (And the owner's hubby makes THE. BEST. MEATBALLS. EVER!)

There are a ton of things to choose from: vases, platters, coffee mugs, ice cream bowls (that's what I chose today!), Christmas ornaments, piggy banks, tooth brush holders, and more! Penny, the owner, is wonderful!! She's fun, energetic, helpful, sympathetic, full of ideas, and all around a pretty cool person!

And if you are looking for Christmas gift for grandparents or special friends, this is a great place for kids to paint things and give them as gifts. They are personalized, and beautiful pieces of art to their grandparents or special friends! And the prices are very reasonable!

They are having a Black Friday discount. 20% off that day! So go visit Penny and get some Christmas shopping done. I'm pretty positive you'll be hooked after that!

The 12 Days of Christmas Challenge

Are you going to take the challenge? I am. And maybe this will be my way of making sure I'm held accountable! This could also be the place where I get ideas from any of you who take time to read this blog!

So, 12 days. 12 days to be in the season of giving and doing things for others. That's your challenge!

Each day for 12 days find something you/we can do for someone else. There are so many ideas. And try to choose something one of the days that maybe you wouldn't really enjoy doing, but that you know would help someone else. (Maybe you don't like to watch other peoples' kids, but you know the parents need that time to go Christmas shopping.) Make it a selfless act!

Make a meal for someone.
Shovel your neighbor's driveway.
Bring a friend a coffee when you go to Starbucks or Caribou.
Surprise someone with cookies you made!
Write someone you haven't talked to in a while a letter telling them you're thinking of them.
Visit the nursing home and just chat with someone who has no family around.
Send some flowers (anonymously even) to somebody!
Walk a friend's dog for them.
Take part in Operation Christmas Child.
Pay for the person behind you in a drive-thru.
Be a Christmas Angel.

There are so many things that cost little, or NO, money! I'd love to hear what ideas you have, or what you are going to do. Write your 12 days down on paper. That way you hold yourself accountable! Then write it on here to give others ideas. There is no time frame here. It can start 12 days before Christmas, or it can start now and be intermittent until Christmas!

I'm writing this challenge early enough that we have time to think about what you (and I) are going to do! Remember, Christ gave his whole life for all of us. We can surely take a few hours over 12 days to show others that we care! Read this, and feel the joy that someone else could get from one small thing you do!

I hope you accept this challenge!
God bless!

'Tis the Season...

to be giving, right?!


I feel confident in saying that our family, myself for sure, is so blessed with the life we have. With the things we have. With the love and support from friends and family we have. With the gifts God has given to us!

Well, today we decided to give back a little. Well, at least the first step. I decided that with the daycare kiddos we would partake in Operation Christmas Child. If you're not familiar, you fill a shoe box with items in it for a little kid; boy or girl; ages 2-4, 5-9 or 10-14. (We chose a little boy AND a little girl, ages 2-4.) You get the items, pray for the child that will be getting this package, fill the shoe box, then bring it to a drop off place and they send it to a child who may not get to celebrate like our family does, or has in the past!

So today I took ALL the kids shopping at the Dollar Tree (where both Santa and I are going to shop for our kids' gifts!) with the help of our backyard neighbor and friend, Grandma Diane! 8 kids. 2 are infants, 1 is almost 2, 3 are almost 3 (all within days of each other), 1 who just turned 4 and one who is 5! WHEW! But you know what - they did GREAT! I explained before hand what we were doing, not knowing if they were really going to get it. But they did! As they were picking out items for the boy AND the girl, they made comments like, "I think the little girl would like to play with this," and things like that! All the kids behaved really well. I kept getting comments made to me and Diane like, "Wow you have your hands full," and "You brought all those kids in here. You're brave," and things like that. But you know what, I would do it again in a heartbeat!

Well, I brought my camera with so I could take pictures. But it was so crazy with the kids handing items to either Diane or me that I totally forgot. So, we got our first round of pics after we got home and spread out the gifts! I am going to take more as we pack our shoe boxes and as we bring our boxes to the drop off site!

I am so proud of my Little Blessings! They were excited to know we were sending these fun things to a little boy and girl who may not get anything else this Christmas! I'm hoping that I taught them that it is something we should do, to give to others. That's what God did for us, and he wants us to continue to do that for him! I know I was so proud of those kiddos that we will continue to do things like this throughout the year; not just at Christmas time!

I encourage you all to do something similar. I have a feeling that you are probably just as blessed as we are, if not more! We just take it for granted sometimes. What a humbling way to show that we are grateful for what we have, to give to children who don't have control over what they get or don't get! Visit this site for more information on Operation Christmas Child and get involved in helping a little kiddo smile this holiday season! After all, 'tis the season for giving!

(And if you do something selfless for someone else in the upcoming weeks, or have any ideas of what to continue doing, please comment on it! I'd love to hear it!!)

(Shutter)fly Right into the Holidays!

The holidays are creeping up on us! I just saw another friend's Facebook status update saying there's only 6 more weeks of 2010 left!! Holy Buckets! That means there's less time to do Christmas cards and Christmas gifts! Well, let me tell you a little bit about what we have done in the past, and what I encourage you to do!

First, let me say I love to use Shutterfly for our Christmas cards! There are so many choices to choose from! Here are some things I love about their Christmas cards. (You NEED to check it out!) http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards

*They have either the one-sided photo cards or the photo cards where you can write a message on the inside.
*You can choose how many photos to put on your card! With 4 kids, I can find a card where I can put just the kids, or I can get one with 5 spots so Bryan and I can get on there, OR I can get one with 6 spots so we can get a family photo on, too! Here's one I'm thinking of getting:

*Shutterfly has different styles. You can go with the religious themes, the traditional red & green colors, beautiful snowflake decorations and more!! But whatever you end up going with, there is sure to be one you will love! Here's one that you can use as your partial Christmas letter, too! How cool is that!

*Regardless of what you want, I love how the site totally helps you select what you 're looking for! How many pictures do you want? What kind of card are you sending? What size and color scheme are you looking for? All you have to do is check off the boxes of what you need for your family, then it only gives you those options! How cool is that?!?!

So, enjoy looking for Christmas cards! I've got more to tell!

The second cool thing about Shutterfly is the calendar! We've gotten these for gifts for the grandparents the last few years! First, it's fun to reminisce as I collect pictures from the entire year to put into the calendar! Here's what I like about Shutterfly's calendars:

*You can choose different styles and backgrounds, but you can also mix-n-match throughout the months! Go here to check out what you can do!
*I love that I can personalize the special dates that I want to remember! And it saves it in your account for the next year, too!
*I love that I can give Grandma & Grandpa a special gift with pics of their grandkids! THEY love that!

And the third thing I'm going to share with you that I love about Shutterfly is the photo gifts they have. This is probably one of my favorite gift ideas:

You can give them a picture of your kiddos, then let them take time to put together! How cool, huh?! Visit the other many options you have for photo gifts!

http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts

Ok, gave you a sample of some goodies from Shutterfly to move you right into the holidays! I know you're excited now, so go check it out and see what Shutterfly has for you!!! Oh yeah, and go here for a chance to get 50 Free Holiday Cards from Shutterfly!

Happy Holidays!

Snow!

I understand that there are a lot of people who don't like snow. It's cold. Makes for tough driving sometimes. You have to get bundled up just to go out in it...and then what's the point. You have to clean off your car if you're parked outside. Just a hassle.

But I feel differently! I think there are lots of good things about snow! If you dress appropriately, it's not too cold! And what's the point? Being outside. Off your butt. Not in front of the t.v. or on the computer! If you have kids, you can get out and have fun family time! Make a snow fort. Make a snow-person or snow-monster. Throw snowballs, which then gives you the chance to get exercise because you have to run away from the person throwing it.

(On a side note. There is SO MUCH OBESITY in this country! Every person is supposed to get 60 minutes of physical activity PER DAY! I know I don't get this every day, but the snow play certainly helps add up those minutes!)

Well, we had our first snow yesterday. And by 8:15 we were ALL, including our 7 month old, outside playing in it! And we had a blast! Got some exercise. And had a fun family outing with lots of laughs!

Enjoy the pics!!First steps in the snow!

Our Little Man with his favorite color - orange!

Our snow princess!

Peanut and Momma, all in red!

R getting ready to pound M

Daddy's turn to pound R!

"Daddy, show me make snowball." - A

"I got you, Daddy!" - A

A Slight Bit Snobby (and a Tad Judgemental)

So, let me start by saying I know I should not judge others. And there really should be no "BUT"! BUT, some people make it easier for me to do that. So let me next say this: Lord, please forgive me for judging, as that is only your doing. Please give me strength to love one another as you love me.

Ok, so, I start out by heading to the library for story time. We do this pretty much every Thursday morning. As I pull up, there are 2 cars in the parking lot. Hmm...wonder if the library is closed. Doh! It's Veteran's Day! Well, I'll go back and get my money to deposit it at the bank. On my way there I wonder if the bank is a business that stays open on this honoring holiday! NOPE! LOL Oh well. We're already on the way to a fun park at this point, and the kids are dressed to be outside anyways, so let's go to the park!!

At this point, I am wishing Veteran's Day was tomorrow!!! Another mom and her 2 kids who usually attend story time on Thursdays were right behind me at the park! And this is a mom who talks with a 12" voice IN the library...and talks that way AT her kids, not TO her kids. (Uh oh, I feel the judgmental tone in my voice already!) Ok, well, she could have gone home, but chose to go to the park with her kids! (That was my thought anyways.) Nope! She lets her kids out (maybe 3 and 4 years old) and sits back down in the passenger seat to read. Her kids are easily 100 yards away on this climbing thing that is quite high!! And she's in her car, not only not interacting with her kids, but not even paying attention!! Well, needless to say, once her son moved on to the play equipment he ended up falling. I'm glad I was there to help him, but that shouldn't be my job.

Well, at the same time as this mom from the library is coming behind me, another mom and her boyfriend/friend step out of the car with their two little ones, probably 3 and the other was 2 (I did talk to her a little...let me stress LITTLE bit). They both walk through the park to the playground equipment smoking! I HATE THIS!!!!! This is after they put their kids' coats on, blowing smoke in their faces! GRRRR!!!!!

You know, endanger your own lives, if that's what you so choose, but spare your babies. And spare mine and the children that are with me, too!

So needless to say, I really wasn't in a playing mood! But we're at the park. The kids are having fun. So I'll stay. I'm just keeping my distance from the smokestacks that continue to blow smoke in my clean air! (I know, I'm bad, aren't I?)

Well, my little man decided to have an accident at that time! So, time to go. We did get to play for about 25 minutes. But I do wish I would have chosen another park to go to! Maybe things would have played out differently. Not sure.

Living in the Moment!

So after work last night my husband met me and our 4 kids at a very hidden treasure that only few know about! It is one of the coolest parks in our town! Enjoy the pics of the most beautiful day in Minnesota in November!

Our Little Man enjoying the swing!

Going round and round and round!


Now it's Bug's turn! (with a little help)


And now it's M's turn!!


Our beautiful Peanut!

I have no right...

Before I write this, let me start by saying I'm simply using this as my journal tonight. I apologize if I hurt anyone tonight. As that is not my intention.

NO! I DON'T NEED AN INTERVENTION! So don't try to plan one! I'm simply putting down on paper what I'm sick and tired of hearing myself repeat in my head. And maybe once I put it down on here, I won't have to be stuck with it in my mind!

I have so many thoughts going through my head I don't really even know where to start. So I also apologize if I'm rambling throughout this post.

*My mind wants a break. My body wants a break. My heart wants a break. And partially my life wants a break. This mom and wife and daycare provider is tired. (So go to bed. After all it is 10:30.) Not going to happen. And even if I did, it's not going to help. I want to get away. And that's not going to help either. I really do have it good. My husband is amazing. He deals with me! That's a hard enough job in itself. He just wants to make me happy. (Those are words from his mouth.) But I don't want him to. My mind doesn't hear that. My messed up mind hears what the devil is putting there. And believe me, it's not good stuff. I just want a break. But I don't think it's from the things I mentioned above. I think I need a permanent break from my mind. My mind needs to be healed from the thoughts it continues to put into my heart. I need help with that. I've needed help with that my whole life. I just don't know how.

*I'm such a witch with a capital B. At least that's how I refer to myself. My husband wants to go hunting for one weekend out of the whole year! 2 days! That's it. 2 days to do what he has been doing since he was a teenager. 2 days to spend some time with the deer, his family, nature and God. 2 days.

But man, would 2 days feel so good. 2 days to do what I want to do. From sun up to sun down, and later, actually. 2 days. I don't know what I would do for 2 days. That's sad. And who would I do them with? I have NO friends! None! I'm sure I brought that on myself. So it goes. Someday I'll have 2 days in Heaven. And I will love it. So until then....

There's more. But like my title, I really have NO RIGHT to complain. A friend of mine's wife has been in the hospital for the last 8 days. She is pregnant with #3! They have 2 girls, with 1 on the way. She's 29 weeks pregnant! She is 30! She just found out she is in stage 4 of breast cancer. She's 29 weeks pregnant. She is 30. I have no right to complain about wanting a break from motherhood. A break from house cleaning. A break from my fucked up mind.

The whole world of my friend and his wife just got rocked upside down.

So now I ask the Lord to watch over my friend and his family. To give healing to them, in body and mind and spirit. Then I ask for forgiveness for being selfish. I have no right.

A New Rule!

So, I think I am going to make a new rule in my house! Not sure if my hubby is going to agree, but I don't know that he's going to have much of a choice in this matter...LOL!

I just got done cleaning the toilet in our bathroom. Oh. My. Gosh. Where there are boys (yep, plural, as my 2 year-old is going on the big boy potty) and a grown man that pee in there, it gets pretty disgusting! I don't mind cleaning it, because I like peeing in a clean toilet! But here's my new rule:

When I clean the toilet where it's decorated with yellow polka dots and black garland, I am done for the day! I don't cook. I don't clean anymore (unless I want to). I get to sit back, pat myself on the back, and relax!

I would like to suggest that other moms, wives, girlfriends, daughters, heck, even the dads, husbands, boyfriends and sons, adopt this rule in their house if they, too, are cleaning the decorations off the toilet where males pee!!

What I Would Say...

So I'm a little behind in watching the episodes of The Biggest Loser. With 4 kids, 2 of whom are in activities, plus the daily routine that seems to just eat away at the day (laundry, supper, bedtime routines, check backpacks, etc.), we find it hard to find time to watch ANY of our shows when they are actually on. So we are very thankful that we can watch them online!! So we just got the chance to watch the episode where Rick was NOT the biggest loser.

Now, let me tell you a little about Rick. In one of the earlier episodes of the BL the contestants got a check up by the doctor on the show, were shown their body's age based on all the overweight problems they were having, and then they were able to talk via Skype to their family members for some needed encouragement. Well, with Rick, I felt like I was looking in the mirror to my family.

Only Rick was my dad.

Rick was very unhealthy. Scared after hearing how few years he was going to live if he didn't change his life! His family, grown children with some grandchildren, were telling him he could do it. And that they supported him! That they loved him so much and were proud that he was taking this step to live a longer and healthier life!

Fast forward to when he was not allowed to stay on the Biggest Loser ranch anymore. They showed where he was now, after months of having this support at home. He looked great! He looked happier! He looked healthier! He was off his blood pressure meds, as well as all the other meds he was taking! He was joining his family in activities that were healthier, like walking, exercising. They were doing it together, living a happier, healthier life TOGETHER! As a family! And to top it off, Rick was using what he had learned to inspire his son-in-law to start making healthier choices and lose weight!

The mirror.

My dad is obese. And I would be scared to know what his numbers are. I would be scared to know how many years doctors would guess he has to live. He has grown kids who enjoy being active. He has grandkids that want him around, to be apart of their activities and accomplishments. He has family that will support him! And he has family members that he could inspire to start living healthier! The thing is, my dad watches the Biggest Loser. When is he going to be inspired enough to do something about his own obesity?

These are things that I would like to say to my dad.

Dad, do you know that you are loved? Do you know that you have grandkids that want you around? They want to tell you about the bonfire that they built after learning how to do that at school. Then they want to show you! They want to tell you that they are reading at a first/second grade level at the beginning of Kindergarten. Then they want to read to you! They want to tell you that they are potty training, and that they went poopy on the potty for the first time! They want to tell you that they are learning how to cross the monkey bars. But then they want you to go down to the park and actually show you!

But those are things that are happening now. Dad, your grandkids want to tell you who they asked to their Senior Prom. They want to tell you where they chose to go to college. They want to call their Guy-Guy and say that they are getting married to the person they love to death! Dad, they want you to be around in 20 years when they tell you you are going to be a Great Grandpa (although that's probably scary to hear now!)!

Dad, you have to start taking care of yourself NOW! Not tomorrow. Not next year. You may not have til next year! You may not have til graduation. You may not have til your grandchild's wedding day. But you have today! You have to love yourself the way we love you. You have to want to be healthier the way WE want you to be healthier.

Dad, you have support! Even from 200 miles away, you have support!

What I would say to my Dad, if I could, and if he would listen, is that you need to do something about your obesity! You have to do something about your weight, your lifestyle, your heart, your mind. I would tell my dad that I pray every night that he makes it to another day. I would tell my dad that I would be his cheerleader (and trust me, I am NOT a cheerleader!). I would tell my dad that I know he could do it, even though it would be one of the hardest things he has done for HIMSELF! I would tell my dad that I love him.

Peace and Tranquility

Every day I'm going to (try to) allow myself at least 10 minutes of peace and tranquility. I've found what works for me!! Now it's just finding the time, then finding the time with no kids around. Not impossible, but challenging!

Well, I've done it two times this week! I turn on 'Soundscapes' (channel 88-29 on our tv). I turn off all the lights. We have a nice size window on our back wall where I can just zone out to the trees dancing around, the squirrels playing a game of tag, the clouds rolling by like waves. I get lost in those moments. My mind turns blank, which hardly ever happens. For those 10 minutes (sometimes more) I don't have to succumb to the "To-Do List" that hounds my mind constantly throughout the day and night. My shoulders relax. I hold my baby (sometimes) and stroke her hair. It's just now getting long enough to barely wrap around her ear. Her skin is so incredibly soft. And she smells so sweet (although it is some breastmilk spilled over, it is so sweet smelling). I drink the coffee that my husband makes for me in the morning in the most incredible mug I've ever had (another post to come on that!), just being so grateful that I have a husband who loves me enough to make coffee for ME!

The music just soaks up the stress that has come upon my shoulders and arms and face and neck from the morning.

What a wonderful feeling of peace and tranquility!

Good-Bye 30!

So my birthday is officially over. At least for the next 365 days! And I think about all the things that have happened during my 30th year! Makes me tired!

To think it was only a year ago that my husband had just moved back from South Dakota, where he'd been for 14 months!! Now he only has 1 more rotation to go, and graduates in less than 2 months!

A year ago I was quite pregnant. 19 weeks actually! But with my 4th!! I was a whale at this point. LOL

To think that when I turned 30 my daughter was in preschool. Now, as a kindergartner, I feel like she's been in school forever!

In my 30th year I had to get my second set of stitches! My first was only a year before at almost the exact same time!

In my 30th year I had my 4th baby. I told myself so many years ago that I was going to be done having kids when I turn 30! I accomplished that!

In my 30th year I celebrated my 8th anniversary to a man that I have fallen in love with so deeply. A man that would do, and has done, just about anything to make me happy!

I'm happy to say that I am another year older!! It's one more year of so many memories made. Moments that I will cherish forever!

Now I can look forward to what my next 365 days brings, God willing. The Lord has been so gracious to me, to our family! I have so much thanks to give to Him! I'm excited to see the doors that will open up for us, as my husband graduates and has a job already awaiting him. As we face a potential move to another town. As my kids excitedly learn their sports and activities. To watch my little Peanut soak up so much that life has to offer her! To be part of the excitement of yet another of my blessings starting preschool! (We have to get him potty trained first! We're well on our way though!) And to celebrate another year of marriage with my amazing husband (which seems like a rare commodity these days.)!!

Good-bye 30! Hello 31!

{Me, my Peanut and my Pal!}


{My birthday presents: Caribou Mint Condition and two homemade candle holders!} {Oh yeah, and a healthy and loving family!}

{My Peanut and Me}


{And if you can't be silly with your family, who CAN you be silly with?}
{This is me (and K) lovin' life!}

What I DID do today!

I've been trying these last few days to really try to see things differently. After my session last night I was told that I'm living life in a triangle: my thoughts cause my emotions and my emotions cause my actions, which then causes my thoughts. My thoughts for a while have not been the most positive. So in order to change my emotions and my actions, I need to change my thoughts. That's hard for me to do.

I've also been following this self-help challenge called Living the Self-Care Challenge. It's a daily tip which will hopefully turn into a habit. Well, I'm going to do one of those now. I'm going to write down what I HAVE accomplished today. I've always got this to-do list, and if it doesn't get done then I feel like I've failed. I get anxious and I don't enjoy things. This happens in the morning, in the afternoon, at night, when I should be sleeping, literally all the time. It's just never good enough.

In fact, just a couple weeks ago I was told by someone who loves me that my parenting isn't good enough, simply because it's not the "right" way, or their way of parenting. And my kids are pretty damn good kids! I can take them out to eat, all 4 of them, without having to worry about them having a fit. I almost always take them to the store with me, without hesitation, because they are very well-behaved kids. And I get told this a lot by perfect strangers, how well behaved they are! I'm very proud of them, as well as Bryan and I for how we are doing with our kiddos! However, my parenting style is still not good enough. It's not "right", somehow. This is pretty much how I feel I lived growing up, actually. Nothing was ever good enough. Now that's my thinking in my adult life, and I need to change that, before I create that monster inside my kids' heads! And that I will NOT allow. So here it goes. More positive thinking!!

What I DID do today! (and it's only 2:00!)

1. got the kids breakfast
2. changed 3 diapers (2 poopy ones even!)
3. did 3 loads of laundry
4. took the kids to the park and PLAYED with them!
5. made lunch
6. unloaded the dishwasher
7. loaded the dishwasher
8. did some dishes
9. folded laundry
10. put some laundry away
11. replied to a birthday invite!
12. put that birthday party on my Google calendar
13. cleaned up one couch so we can sit on it
14. put toys in the living room away
15. pumped (I have a few dates this week that my Peanut will have to have a bottle)
16. cleaned out part of the freezer
17. took a shower (these are obviously not in the correct order!)
18. signed up for 2 of my kids' conferences at their school
19. put those conference times on my Google calendar
20. put my Peanut down for a nap
21. put the other 2 blessings down for their nap (one being my own, one being a daycare blessing)
22. swept the entry way (lots of leaf parts)
23. swept the kitchen floor
24. blow-dried my hair (which almost NEVER happens!) (and this was even for myself!)

I'm sure there are more. And maybe not. But I still have a lot of time left in my day. However, after looking back at this list, I think I need to say, "Good job, Brandi!" 24 things accomplished, and possibly even more. So I think I'm going to reward myself. When my kiddos get home from school, I have been thinking I'm going to see if they could help play with my younger 2 so I can get more things done. Screw that! I'm going to go outside (being that it's so nice out there; sunny and 70!) and play with them, whatever they want! I have a daycare conference tonight, so I will be away from my family. They deserve for their mom to be with them, and to ENJOY that time, not thinking about what else needs to be done!

Now I'm excited for when they get home!!! This mom is going to play! I accomplished things today, and now it's my turn to PLAY with my kids! Just add that to one more thing I DID today!

Treat your Ta-Tas!! After all, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

That's what I did yesterday! You know, with this whole nursing thing, my boobs just don't fit into the bras I have...except the nursing ones. Well, I'm done with those. They are the most unattractive thing to hold how many pounds of milk and fat in! (Although they are nice when we're out in public.)

So I decided to go shopping for some lift-me-ups!! I walked in the store and the first thing I said was, "Hi. I am wondering if you could measure me!" How often does that happen? I felt kind of like a moron. But that's her job, you know! So she walked me away from the check-out counters. I figured she was going to take me to a fitting room or something. NOPE! Just a few feet away behind a rack of bras. LOL Ok, I guess:)

So she gave me my measurements and just started picking away. I was quite surprised at the cup size she had me at, but I figured she knew best, and we would just go try on these ta-ta holders! But as she kept grabbing more, they were not what I was expecting. I looked down the wall at the ones they had, and there were 3 colors to choose from: white, black, nude. Ahhhh, but they did have nude ones with frilly lace. Or white ones with see-through sides. Now there's a fancy, sexy bra! NOT.

Oh well. I figured I would try them on, make sure they fit and were comfortable, then just go back and choose the ones I like in a different pattern. So off to the changing room I went. And man is that an experience ; ) After nursing 4 kids, my pretties look like, well, not pretty! As I was putting on these bras, though, I was noticing that my these cups were HUGE! Ok, ring the doorbell and ask for a different size.

Whew! That did it! They fit perfectly. So I got them and went out to see if they had these styles in different patterns. Nope! Just plain old boring ones. I guess when women get to be my size they don't need to feel sexy. No pink ones. No zebra striped ones. White. Nude. Black. Those were my choices. So I went with one of each color! I figure I still need to treat my ta-tas, even if they might not be as sexy as smaller ones.

I encourage all women out there to treat your ta-tas. We all think about getting new jeans or a new dress. Well, wearing one of my new boulder holders today, I feel just an ounce sexier! That's enough for me! So go do it! And allow yourself to feel good about yourself no matter what your shape and size is!

My Balance Beam in my Teeter-Totter World

So I was just diagnosed yesterday with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Definitely something I'm going to have to Google! What I was told was that I can become anxious about just about anything and everything. Great! A worry wart who's crazy! Man I feel sorry for my husband sometimes. And he's stuck with me this long!?! Thank GOD for that man!

He truly is my balance beam. I tell him this a lot! I'm sure it's a lot to put on him. But he wears that hat very well. My world is going back and forth. I'm running here, there, trying to keep the house clean and my kids feeling loved all throughout. And when my life isn't balanced, which is honestly most of the time, my hubby is there to balance me out!

BMV ~ Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, with everything that I am, for sticking with me. I love that I feel safe with you. That you balance me out when I'm trying to figure out which way to teeter or totter. I love you, Honey!

To Tattoo or Not To

A little over 2 years ago my hubby moved to South Dakota to start med school. He was leaving behind three kids and a wife who suddenly became a single parent. We had to make it 14 months. Do you know how long 14 months is, when you are counting weeks, days, minutes, sometimes seconds?!?!

Well, those 14 months ended 12 months ago!! Seriously? He's been home now for EXACTLY 1 year today! It's hard to think how quickly those months passed! And now he's only got 2 more months before he graduates!! Man how time flies!

When I look back on that time, I definitely hit rock bottom! I have to say I went through the stages of losing a loved one. My husband left me, and although I knew why, there were still thoughts racing in my mind that were negative. At first I was in denial that it was going to be hard. I am a very strong person and knew that I could do this parenting thing on my own. And it was such a short time. And to make it easier, I compared it to people whose spouses were overseas fighting in a war! At least I could talk to my husband every day; multiple times every day. And we still got to see him almost every weekend.

Then after a couple months it hit me. The pain of not having my best friend with me at the end of challenging days. Not having my best friend there to listen to me vent (although I'm sure he would say he did plenty of that, just had a sore elbow at the end!). Not having my husband there to hold me at night. This was hard. It was during this time that I remember having my second breakdown ever. This was not a good time for me.

Shortly after the pain came the anger. How could he just up and leave all of us here? Sure it was going to be better in the end. But what about right now? I felt alone. I was home with 3 kids. He was out by himself, probably like the good old days of being single. He could go out with his classmates whenever he wanted. He could go for a run or bike ride without wondering which kid had sports that night and at what time. He could come home late at night after going out to the bar and not have to worry about taking the babysitter home. Hell, he could do whatever he wanted and not have a worry about him. I was angry with my husband for leaving me.

I bargained with him. I'll do whatever it takes for him to let us move out there. Sure he was only going to be out there for 14 months. And at this point it was probably down to only 11. But I didn't care. I would find someone to come rent the house. (Which I pretty much did, but as God would have it, it didn't work out!) I would homeschool the kids. I would stay in another apartment. I knew he would have a lot of studying to do, and I wanted to respect that. But I wanted to be where he was, for so many reasons.

Then I went ever farther in my black hole. Especially when I knew we weren't going to be going out there with him. My depression came back much like I experienced it with my postpartum depression. I felt alone, like my husband didn't want to be with me. That maybe he's doing this because he didn't love me. He was going to school 4 hours away with lots of other women. I thought for sure he was going to hook up with at least one of them. I mean, why not? He knew I wouldn't find out. I was 4 hours away. It's not like he couldn't take her back to his apartment. I kept falling. The devil was putting thoughts into my mind that I felt I could not control. And the more people tried helping me, the deeper I went. I wondered what I did wrong that my husband had to move for school and didn't want to take us with him. (I now know, with a clearer mind, that none of these thoughts were true!)

It wasn't until about 7 months after he left that I finally knew I was going to be ok. I knew that our marriage was going to make it through this. And I know why. I prayed so much to God. But God didn't answer my prayers. I prayed that He would allow us to move to SD. It wasn't until I started praying what God wanted me to pray that He began to answer my prayers. I asked for God to give me strength. I asked that God would give me the strength to be the kind of mom that my kids deserved. I asked God to give me the strength to be the kind of supportive wife that my husband needed while he was and had to be away from his family. I asked God to give me the strength to endure what His plans were for me and for our family. God answered those prayers!

When I look at where we are today, 26 months into my husband's schooling, and with only 2 1/2 more months to go, I am surprised at how quickly that time went. And I am so grateful to the good Lord who gave all 5 of us (my Peanut doesn't count in this yet) the strength to make it through this chapter in our lives. My favorite Bible verse, one that I repeat over and over to myself daily, probably for the last year and a half, if this:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Phil. 4:13

So this is something I've thought about having tattooed. I know I don't NEED it tattooed in order for it to be something stamped in my head. I already say it to myself every day. But I've thought about it for some time now, have come up with a design that I think is very fitting for me and my journey, and this is something that I think I want, the more I think about it. But I'm wondering where. And more so, how much does it hurt? (I'll have to just keep thinking it can't be as bad as having a baby, and I've done that 4 times now!)

At this point only time will tell; to tattoo or not to.

Is Breast the Best?

So with having 4 kids, I've done A LOT of breastfeeding!! I can say that my boobs are ready to be done nursing! Or maybe that's just me:) Either way, a total of 3 1/2 years of my life have been spent nursing. And I have another 6+ months to go! That's a lot of time. Many minutes spent with my babies! Lots of bonding happening. Lots of time that I would never give up in a million years.

Got me wondering about other moms out there. Although it's not a topic of conversation for many, it is one that interests me. I would love to help new and experienced moms start and continue on that journey to breastfeeding their babies. But so many don't. This stirs up mixed feelings inside. I would say that I'm 'pro-choice' when it comes to what moms want to do. However, I am definitely an advocate for breastfeeding. And I am curious as to why so many moms don't nurse their babies.

There is so much research that says "Breast is Best". The health part of it alone would be enough to sell me! Don't moms want the best for their babies? I'm sure that's an obvious YES, but then why not choose to breastfeed?

Another reason to breastfeed is to save money! Formula is frickin' expensive!! I can think of so many other things to do with that money! (I would say that to people who smoke, too!! Yikes!) Especially if I know that breastfeeding, on pretty much all accounts, is free. Sure there's the pump, the bottles for date nights, the bottle liners, etc. But in comparison, WAY CHEAPER!

I know that there are lots of moms who breastfeed for a few months, then switch over. I would like to know why. I know that having a baby suck on your tits for 12 months is a LONG TIME! (And yes, even affects the sex life a little!) Trust me! I know! I have a friend who never breastfed her children because she thought it was gross. I know someone who couldn't breastfeed because of her nipples. I'm sure there are some good reasons why moms can't breastfeed! But what about the ones who are capable but never try? Or the ones who do it for a few weeks and then stop. Is it out of selfishness? In my opinion, many times it is. Why not keep going? I mean, it is pretty convenient! No packing bottles. No packing formula. No having to make sure there is bottled water...or that the water is warm enough.

I know there are times that it hurts! I've had mastitis 3 out of my 4 kids! And I'm not done with this one yet, so it might be 4 out of 4! One of my kiddos didn't know how to latch on right. And she was pretty stubborn with learning (can you guess who it is?). But I had to teach her. With one of my kids I went through post-partum depression really bad...along with having a very colicky child. And I still nursed her! There are nights I would cry because my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I wanted to stop so bad. I pleaded with my husband to just go buy formula so I could stop. So trust me, I understand there are definite reasons to NOT breastfeed. I guess to me it was still important to try to keep going. But what are other moms' thoughts?

These are questions I would like to know more about. Is it worth my my time and energy to help new and experienced moms with breastfeeding? That's something I feel like I would be good at. I've had experience with the ups and downs of it, so I could empathize, not just sympathize. But I just don't know if it would be worth it.

I would love some feedback! I will not be judgmental at all! Trust me! That's not what this is about. I just want to know, if I do go into this line of work, what thoughts I will encounter from moms (and dads). Is it worth it to do something in this line of work that I'm passionate about if there's not enough interest from moms. I want to hear from moms who breastfed for a week then stopped. From moms who didn't want to breastfeed at all. From moms who pumped to give their babies breast milk, but never actually nursed. And from moms who nursed until their babies could have cow's/goat's milk. I know this is a private topic for many moms, but I would still love to hear from you! (Message me on Facebook or email me if you want to remain private.) The information will NOT be shared with ANYONE! It will go to help me decide what I want to be when I grow up! I look forward to many insights! Thank you!

Love Happens

It's pouring outside. I'm relaxed after spending time with my husband watching the movie Love Happens while holding my sleeping Peanut. And because I'm in my "safe place", I am ready to write this post.

This movie was a movie I watched at the right time in my life. It's about learning to move on in life after losing someone you love. Well, I really haven't had a hard time dealing with the loss of my two grandpas throughout my life. But I have been trying to move on from other events that are still affecting me today. I will definitely watch this movie again, trying to make sense of it again, in order to help me out.

I have been talking with a therapist about what I thought was 1 issue I am having. Although I have seen so many counselors, therapists, psychologists and more starting when I was 5 years old I knew that that 1 issue stemmed from experiences in my life that have really affected me.

I'm having to learn how to love completely and feel like I deserve the love that's shown to me. I am dealing with abandonment issues from my biological mother serving me with papers saying she wants to dissolve the parenting relationship. Up to that point our relationship was short of non-existent. But this final blow is something that still affects how I love. As life went along for me, I feel like my step-mom then "left" me when she and my dad divorced. Now I feel abandoned 2 times from 2 people who were supposed to love me unconditionally.

Well, now these situations are leaving me scared and nervous in my relationship with my husband. I get very nervous when he has relationships with other women. What if he leaves me? What if he realizes what I know; that I'm not worthy of his love and that there is someone out there who is going to make him happier. Not necessarily the best thought to have in a marriage.

Don't get me wrong. My marriage with my husband is amazing!! He is my safe place. He's more to me than anyone else. I just can't say enough about my love for him!! But I am tired of wondering when he is going to abandon me, too. So now I am talking through what things I need to do in order to move on. I want this love that I have with my husband to just happen purely. Not tainted by my fear of the past rearing it's ugly head.

This love just happened!! (That's another post!) And I want to jump in with both feet, 100%, and just love my husband! I pray that God helps me heal from my past and allows me to live freely in my future and let love happen!

Living for the Moment

I took a walk today with my kiddos to the school where I used to teach. Right now I'm on a leave of absence while my husband pursues medical school. He's almost done, graduating in December!! I wasn't sure when I took the leave how long I would actually stay home. I have 6 years total, and could possibly take more time off if granted.

I went in to talk with some of my friends in the school. I miss them. I stepped foot in the library, probably one of my favorite places in the school, and had some feelings rush back that I wasn't sure existed. I'm not sure if this means anything. I'm not sure that I want to go back to teaching. But there was still a spark of wanting to do something with kids. I guess I already am doing that...but something different.

But as I sit here writing this, my Peanut is sleeping across my lap. I'm watching her heartbeat pulse in her neck, listening to her breathe. She knows she's safe with me. And I feel safe with her. I love being home right now. I have no immediate feeling of rushing back into the classroom. Although it was nice being back at my former school, I'm definitely living in the moment, and it's beautiful!

To do it over again?

We (my husband and I) are friends with a girl who was to marry her high school sweetheart after many years of dating. They dated throughout college, then just before their wedding date she called it off. My husband was told that she felt she was with her boyfriend for so long that she didn't have time to date others, live life, party. Experience life on her own.

When I heard this, I wondered if I was looking into a mirror of my past. This was me! I dated my boyfriend in high school, then continued on throughout college. I was pretty sure this is who I was going to marry. During my junior year I studied overseas. When I came back I soon realized that I had done a lot of growing up and saw my life a little differently now. I decided to end the relationship.

But the summer after my junior year of college I ended up going on a blind date with my eventual husband. Within 2 months and 1 day after that first date I was engaged!! As it came closer to our wedding date I wondered the same thing as our friend. I was in a relationship for so long, wanted a break, but only got a few months before I was in another relationship, heading towards marriage.

I look back at it now, after just celebrating our 8th year married (!!!!), and wonder if I should have taken time to live life by myself. I never lived by myself in my own apartment. Although I did do my share of partying, I didn't get to do it very long. (I was married then pregnant at 22!) I didn't just get to book an airline ticket to go visit my friends in other places. Are there other things I wish I would have done in my single life before settling down? Oh I'm sure.

I don't for one second think ill of our friend who decided to be 100% sure of the choice to get married before jumping in. In fact, I respect her for it! It means that for her, marriage is a one-time deal. A promise you make before friends and family, to your spouse-to-be, and to God. If she wasn't ready to make that most important life changing promise, then she shouldn't.

So now, looking back, I wonder if I am looking in a mirror. And the answer is no. I would have to say there are parallels. At 30, there are things that I feel I missed out on. But now knowing that I put my faith in God's hands, he had/has a plan for me. I'm so blessed that God put my husband before me. That he gave me the opportunity to give me a man who loves me for who I am. And further on, I am so blessed and grateful to have gotten four amazing, healthy, beautiful gifts out of this marriage!!!

I guess I compare the life I could have lived for a little bit to the life I have now. Sure I may have missed out on some things. But I know that there are so many things that I get to do now that give meaning to my life!!! And the good thing is, God willing, I'll still be young enough to do some of those things when our kiddos have lives of their own!

This Mother-Daughter Thing...

So I'm struggling tonight with the relationship I have with my oldest daughter. I'm not sure that it's the most positive thing for my daughter. The thing is, I don't really like her. And I've prayed about this for about as long as I've had her. I love her to death, but I don't like who I am around her. I don't enjoy being around her most of the time. Of course these are all things I would NEVER want her to know. EVER. And I'm sure one day we will talk about it. Hopefully not for a very long time.

I know it started not long after she was born. It wasn't until months later that I realized that I didn't like her. She was colicky and I had postpartum depression pretty severely. It was all I could do to make it through those days with her as a newborn. Now, 5 1/2 years later, she's this ball of energy. She is confident! She is beautiful. She is kind and loving. She loves to show me what new thing she can do! (gymnastics and dance related) I get compliments often about how she seems so grown up. She can hold a great conversation with older people, and they just gush about her! I'm a very proud mom!!!! She is everything I would want her to be right now. God made her this way.
But what scares me is I think she is so much like me. And what if she turns out like me when she's older?? What if the confidence she has now wilts away as she gets older? What if she wonders if she's loved the way I want her to be loved....the way I don't show it to her now. What if she doesn't get what she deserves out of life? And what if the choices she makes/I make as she continues to grow up affect her negatively?

I think this mother-daughter thing we have just is really new to me. Unfortunately I have a very hurtful and tainted view of what a mother-daughter relationship should look like. Because of this I don't know how to be the best mother to her (or my youngest daughter). Again, I pray about this. Maybe this is my plea for prayers from any of you who read this.

My goal is to find a book about this. I know it exists. I want it to be Christian. I want it to be real, so I know there are others who have walked in my shoes.
I love her so much! I want to like her. I want to look forward to seeing her every morning. I want to look forward to seeing her imagination run wild! I want to WANT to lay with her at night. I want this Mother-Daughter thing to be real, positive, grow, to be love like nothing else. I want to be her hero and the person she can come to about anything. And I fear I've not planted that seed yet. But I'm ready to give this Mother-Daughter Thing all of my heart.

The blessings that keep me going!

There are times in life when I just don't understand what's going on. And I don't know why they happen. I had yet another friend who lost their baby way too early. And it just pains me in a way that nothing else does. Why does God create a life, only to take them away before they have had time on this earth?

But in times like these, as I sit here next to my 4th blessing, I am reminded by God whispering in my ear that I CANNOT take the blessings in my life for granted! I need to cherish them! So as I sit here, the only one awake in my house, I am going to write them down...share it with whoever wants to see! If nothing else, on my rough days, when I am too busy complaining to really cherish my blessings, I can look on here and have a change of view.

B- my babies. Being a mom to 4 amazing kids! Miscarriage wasn't something that was real to me until after I had kids. I almost feel guilty knowing that I've had 4 healthy pregnancies with 4 healthy kiddos. But this is something that I hear about more and more, especially with those around me. I will, and DO, think about this when I'm having rough days. My babies.

L- laying next to my babies and husband as they are drifting off to their magical places.

E- enjoying the time I get to watch my little ones to what they love best. Tonight was Riley and Madi's last night of softpitch/t-ball (respectively)! They both had a great time, and I love that I can support them.
Riley~ anything that has a sports ball involved is a love of his. His favorites: soccer, baseball and simply playing catch.
Madison~ she loves putting on music (from when I went to Holland!) and her dress-up leotards/dance outfits and create new dances. She loves showing us her gymnastics moves. I enjoy just watching her:) (Although I do have to admit some of them could go on Funniest Home Videos!)
Alexander~ he just loves life! I love this kid!! His blue eyes are usually just sparkling from the things he does, or sees, or learns, or says. And his constant "Why?"...well, let's just say I need to ask myself sometimes why I'm so down about things I can't control. I've got it good here!
Kailyn~ although she doesn't do much now, I am enjoying it ALL knowing this is our last :( When Kailyn looks up at me and smiles, life automatically turns around. The innocence in her eyes, cheeks and toothless smile are just amazing! (I'm smiling as I type this right now!)

S- spending time listening to the sounds of my kids:
*laughter
*Alexander shouting "FIRE!" when he gets angry! (although it's not too funny at the time)
*Kailyn cooing when she sees me or when she sees one of her siblings. The sound of her squealing as her daddy makes her laugh. The sound of her breathing next to me.
*Madi asking to sleep with her big brother during the thunderstorm so she feels safe.
*Riley laughing at his "cookoo" mom for making things up just so I can hear him laugh some more.
*Alexander saying "I love you, too, Mom!" before I even get a chance to say it to him first!

S- saying "Good Night" to my kids. The whole routine of bedtime. In fact, I miss that when I am not home for it (not very often, I must add).

I- "I love you!" I will never grow tired of hearing those 3 words! Ever! I am blessed that every day I get to hear those words directed to me - by 5 of my favorite blessings!

N- nestling in next to my husband. He is so caring. Loving. Patient. Strong. Faithful.

G- GOD! He is an ever-present part of my day. I thank him all day for the moments he has blessed me with. The prayers that he does, and doesn't, answer. The times he calms the storms in my heart and puts my mind at ease (which isn't easy sometimes!).

I'm blessed. That's all there is to it!

I went on vacation last weekend!

Although it would have been nice to go to Hawaii, or Whidbey Island, or even Atlanta this last weekend, I got to go on vacation with my family right here in Faribault! We had such a great family weekend!! And here are my/our vacation highlights:

*Friday night I got to go on a date with my husband. We went to Mexico.... Or just had amazing Mexican food at El Tequila. And I had some pretty good company, too! We finished with dessert elsewhere...with some caribou! My Mint Condition was so good as we watched bolts of lightning fill the sky!

*After going to Mexico I became a storm chaser (my dream job!!)! Bryan and I were surrounded by storms: lightning, thunder, storm clouds, with a little dollop of tornado sirens! It was a good beginning to my weekend vacation. And somewhat ended with a beautiful rainbow! Some of God's handiwork.
*Saturday started beautifully! I got to have a little "me" time on my vacation. (Although I did get paid for this part of my vacation!) I got to take an hour of my time and share some of my pitching knowledge! I'm working with a young lady who is turning out to be a great pitcher! It's probably the only thing I do anymore that is actually me (didn't genesis out of marriage or motherhood)!

*The next part of my vacation took place in the tropics of Faribault! We decided (after constant requesting from our daughter) to take the family to the Aquatic Center. Here we traipsed around in the waves, splashed in the blue water and played a little chutes and ladders (ok, just me and my little girl)! It was during our slides down the chutes that I was asked to "Tell me when to hold my breath, Mom!" **My daughter is very independent! So to ask me for help gave me hope that she might still need me at times in her life! (wipe the tears)**


*The second day of our vacation ended with storm spotting -- again. Although this time we got to do it via the news station (lol). We decided to stick this portion of our vacation out in the basement. The kids even got to spend some time sleeping on the comfortable concrete floor in our tornado shelter, due to the tornado sirens once again sounding for us! I didn't know they (whoever "they" is) would be sounding the trumpets for our exciting and fun-filled vacation! The kids actually did really well, too! They slept through our storm spotting portion of the vacation. Fortunately, thank God, we were safe and could then retreat back to our beds, drifting off into sweet slumber, getting our energy packs ready for the last day of our vacation.


*Well, this is the last day of our wonderful and family packed vacation!! We started out this blessed Sunday with a continental breakfast in La Cocina Voracek! The very talented Mr. Voracek scrambled up some eggs to go with the scrumdiddlyumptious, made to order (by me) chocolate chip pancakes! We, of course, partnered it with fresh red raspberries and a tall glass of whatever we wanted to drink (ie. chocolate milk, white milk, orange juice, or the wonderfully homemade mocha/coffee drink that my husband makes!)!! This day was starting out tasting very good!

*Next, arguably my favorite part, was going to church as a family! Like one member of our congregation said, "Sunday gives meaning to my week and worship gives meaning to my Sunday." This is so true in my life, but that's another blog. Although this Sunday was full of vacationing moments in itself! It started out with coming in after the song began (which is definitely NOT unusual for this family of 6!). Then a wonderful friend wanted to hold our Peanut, so in the middle of another song I crossed the aisle to hand her over! Of course, we sit in the 3rd pew, so only the whole church sees :). When it was time for "Noisy Offering" (the cute little kids dropping their "noisy" coins in the large soup pan) my daughter came back with a coin still in her pocket. Was she stealing from us, or from the "Noisy Offering"? So I made her go back and put it back in there! So we continue to worship until my husband looks over at me towards the end of our revival saying that our little Peanut is going to have a blowout if I don't change her! YAY! So, I get to go sight seeing around our church in order to go change a dirty diaper. Oh well, it gave meaning to my Sunday somehow, right?!

*We were on the homestretch of our vacation! We thought it would be fun to sight see around Faribault...on our bikes! Alright. We figured we would pull two kids behind one of us, and the other two behind the other one of us. Well, evidently the travel guide was observing the Sabbath and wasn't there to help us out. It just wasn't working with having to put our Peanut in her infant car seat and still have room for one other kiddo. So, we had to ask our Nature Boy to ride his bike. And wow was that the most gratifying part of this whole vacation to me as a MOM! Our sightseeing of Faribault was just shy of 15 miles...and that included a lot of hills! And my 7-year-old son biked the whole thing!!!

Of course we did stop to sight see. We smelled the wonderful aroma of pigs on the farms we passed. We got to ride on newly laid asphalt. We ate lunch in front of Cannon Lake. We biked past and eventually stopped at a beach for the kids to pick up cool rocks and shells with living creatures in them! And, of course, since the trail runs right into Dairy Queen's parking lot (genius move on the owner's part!), we decided to stop and get a family treat!

*We finished this wonderful summer vacation back on Autumn Dr. I don't know that a travel guide could have helped to make this vacation any more enjoyable. And the thing is is that much of this vacation was FREE! It was filled with love and smiles and joy (mixed with a little bit of sweat)! It's a vacation that I hope to someday plan again! And the thing is: I don't think I would change anything!! The Lord blessed me and my family with the time we got to spend together, and for that I am so thankful!