To do it over again?

We (my husband and I) are friends with a girl who was to marry her high school sweetheart after many years of dating. They dated throughout college, then just before their wedding date she called it off. My husband was told that she felt she was with her boyfriend for so long that she didn't have time to date others, live life, party. Experience life on her own.

When I heard this, I wondered if I was looking into a mirror of my past. This was me! I dated my boyfriend in high school, then continued on throughout college. I was pretty sure this is who I was going to marry. During my junior year I studied overseas. When I came back I soon realized that I had done a lot of growing up and saw my life a little differently now. I decided to end the relationship.

But the summer after my junior year of college I ended up going on a blind date with my eventual husband. Within 2 months and 1 day after that first date I was engaged!! As it came closer to our wedding date I wondered the same thing as our friend. I was in a relationship for so long, wanted a break, but only got a few months before I was in another relationship, heading towards marriage.

I look back at it now, after just celebrating our 8th year married (!!!!), and wonder if I should have taken time to live life by myself. I never lived by myself in my own apartment. Although I did do my share of partying, I didn't get to do it very long. (I was married then pregnant at 22!) I didn't just get to book an airline ticket to go visit my friends in other places. Are there other things I wish I would have done in my single life before settling down? Oh I'm sure.

I don't for one second think ill of our friend who decided to be 100% sure of the choice to get married before jumping in. In fact, I respect her for it! It means that for her, marriage is a one-time deal. A promise you make before friends and family, to your spouse-to-be, and to God. If she wasn't ready to make that most important life changing promise, then she shouldn't.

So now, looking back, I wonder if I am looking in a mirror. And the answer is no. I would have to say there are parallels. At 30, there are things that I feel I missed out on. But now knowing that I put my faith in God's hands, he had/has a plan for me. I'm so blessed that God put my husband before me. That he gave me the opportunity to give me a man who loves me for who I am. And further on, I am so blessed and grateful to have gotten four amazing, healthy, beautiful gifts out of this marriage!!!

I guess I compare the life I could have lived for a little bit to the life I have now. Sure I may have missed out on some things. But I know that there are so many things that I get to do now that give meaning to my life!!! And the good thing is, God willing, I'll still be young enough to do some of those things when our kiddos have lives of their own!

This Mother-Daughter Thing...

So I'm struggling tonight with the relationship I have with my oldest daughter. I'm not sure that it's the most positive thing for my daughter. The thing is, I don't really like her. And I've prayed about this for about as long as I've had her. I love her to death, but I don't like who I am around her. I don't enjoy being around her most of the time. Of course these are all things I would NEVER want her to know. EVER. And I'm sure one day we will talk about it. Hopefully not for a very long time.

I know it started not long after she was born. It wasn't until months later that I realized that I didn't like her. She was colicky and I had postpartum depression pretty severely. It was all I could do to make it through those days with her as a newborn. Now, 5 1/2 years later, she's this ball of energy. She is confident! She is beautiful. She is kind and loving. She loves to show me what new thing she can do! (gymnastics and dance related) I get compliments often about how she seems so grown up. She can hold a great conversation with older people, and they just gush about her! I'm a very proud mom!!!! She is everything I would want her to be right now. God made her this way.
But what scares me is I think she is so much like me. And what if she turns out like me when she's older?? What if the confidence she has now wilts away as she gets older? What if she wonders if she's loved the way I want her to be loved....the way I don't show it to her now. What if she doesn't get what she deserves out of life? And what if the choices she makes/I make as she continues to grow up affect her negatively?

I think this mother-daughter thing we have just is really new to me. Unfortunately I have a very hurtful and tainted view of what a mother-daughter relationship should look like. Because of this I don't know how to be the best mother to her (or my youngest daughter). Again, I pray about this. Maybe this is my plea for prayers from any of you who read this.

My goal is to find a book about this. I know it exists. I want it to be Christian. I want it to be real, so I know there are others who have walked in my shoes.
I love her so much! I want to like her. I want to look forward to seeing her every morning. I want to look forward to seeing her imagination run wild! I want to WANT to lay with her at night. I want this Mother-Daughter thing to be real, positive, grow, to be love like nothing else. I want to be her hero and the person she can come to about anything. And I fear I've not planted that seed yet. But I'm ready to give this Mother-Daughter Thing all of my heart.

The blessings that keep me going!

There are times in life when I just don't understand what's going on. And I don't know why they happen. I had yet another friend who lost their baby way too early. And it just pains me in a way that nothing else does. Why does God create a life, only to take them away before they have had time on this earth?

But in times like these, as I sit here next to my 4th blessing, I am reminded by God whispering in my ear that I CANNOT take the blessings in my life for granted! I need to cherish them! So as I sit here, the only one awake in my house, I am going to write them down...share it with whoever wants to see! If nothing else, on my rough days, when I am too busy complaining to really cherish my blessings, I can look on here and have a change of view.

B- my babies. Being a mom to 4 amazing kids! Miscarriage wasn't something that was real to me until after I had kids. I almost feel guilty knowing that I've had 4 healthy pregnancies with 4 healthy kiddos. But this is something that I hear about more and more, especially with those around me. I will, and DO, think about this when I'm having rough days. My babies.

L- laying next to my babies and husband as they are drifting off to their magical places.

E- enjoying the time I get to watch my little ones to what they love best. Tonight was Riley and Madi's last night of softpitch/t-ball (respectively)! They both had a great time, and I love that I can support them.
Riley~ anything that has a sports ball involved is a love of his. His favorites: soccer, baseball and simply playing catch.
Madison~ she loves putting on music (from when I went to Holland!) and her dress-up leotards/dance outfits and create new dances. She loves showing us her gymnastics moves. I enjoy just watching her:) (Although I do have to admit some of them could go on Funniest Home Videos!)
Alexander~ he just loves life! I love this kid!! His blue eyes are usually just sparkling from the things he does, or sees, or learns, or says. And his constant "Why?"...well, let's just say I need to ask myself sometimes why I'm so down about things I can't control. I've got it good here!
Kailyn~ although she doesn't do much now, I am enjoying it ALL knowing this is our last :( When Kailyn looks up at me and smiles, life automatically turns around. The innocence in her eyes, cheeks and toothless smile are just amazing! (I'm smiling as I type this right now!)

S- spending time listening to the sounds of my kids:
*laughter
*Alexander shouting "FIRE!" when he gets angry! (although it's not too funny at the time)
*Kailyn cooing when she sees me or when she sees one of her siblings. The sound of her squealing as her daddy makes her laugh. The sound of her breathing next to me.
*Madi asking to sleep with her big brother during the thunderstorm so she feels safe.
*Riley laughing at his "cookoo" mom for making things up just so I can hear him laugh some more.
*Alexander saying "I love you, too, Mom!" before I even get a chance to say it to him first!

S- saying "Good Night" to my kids. The whole routine of bedtime. In fact, I miss that when I am not home for it (not very often, I must add).

I- "I love you!" I will never grow tired of hearing those 3 words! Ever! I am blessed that every day I get to hear those words directed to me - by 5 of my favorite blessings!

N- nestling in next to my husband. He is so caring. Loving. Patient. Strong. Faithful.

G- GOD! He is an ever-present part of my day. I thank him all day for the moments he has blessed me with. The prayers that he does, and doesn't, answer. The times he calms the storms in my heart and puts my mind at ease (which isn't easy sometimes!).

I'm blessed. That's all there is to it!

I went on vacation last weekend!

Although it would have been nice to go to Hawaii, or Whidbey Island, or even Atlanta this last weekend, I got to go on vacation with my family right here in Faribault! We had such a great family weekend!! And here are my/our vacation highlights:

*Friday night I got to go on a date with my husband. We went to Mexico.... Or just had amazing Mexican food at El Tequila. And I had some pretty good company, too! We finished with dessert elsewhere...with some caribou! My Mint Condition was so good as we watched bolts of lightning fill the sky!

*After going to Mexico I became a storm chaser (my dream job!!)! Bryan and I were surrounded by storms: lightning, thunder, storm clouds, with a little dollop of tornado sirens! It was a good beginning to my weekend vacation. And somewhat ended with a beautiful rainbow! Some of God's handiwork.
*Saturday started beautifully! I got to have a little "me" time on my vacation. (Although I did get paid for this part of my vacation!) I got to take an hour of my time and share some of my pitching knowledge! I'm working with a young lady who is turning out to be a great pitcher! It's probably the only thing I do anymore that is actually me (didn't genesis out of marriage or motherhood)!

*The next part of my vacation took place in the tropics of Faribault! We decided (after constant requesting from our daughter) to take the family to the Aquatic Center. Here we traipsed around in the waves, splashed in the blue water and played a little chutes and ladders (ok, just me and my little girl)! It was during our slides down the chutes that I was asked to "Tell me when to hold my breath, Mom!" **My daughter is very independent! So to ask me for help gave me hope that she might still need me at times in her life! (wipe the tears)**


*The second day of our vacation ended with storm spotting -- again. Although this time we got to do it via the news station (lol). We decided to stick this portion of our vacation out in the basement. The kids even got to spend some time sleeping on the comfortable concrete floor in our tornado shelter, due to the tornado sirens once again sounding for us! I didn't know they (whoever "they" is) would be sounding the trumpets for our exciting and fun-filled vacation! The kids actually did really well, too! They slept through our storm spotting portion of the vacation. Fortunately, thank God, we were safe and could then retreat back to our beds, drifting off into sweet slumber, getting our energy packs ready for the last day of our vacation.


*Well, this is the last day of our wonderful and family packed vacation!! We started out this blessed Sunday with a continental breakfast in La Cocina Voracek! The very talented Mr. Voracek scrambled up some eggs to go with the scrumdiddlyumptious, made to order (by me) chocolate chip pancakes! We, of course, partnered it with fresh red raspberries and a tall glass of whatever we wanted to drink (ie. chocolate milk, white milk, orange juice, or the wonderfully homemade mocha/coffee drink that my husband makes!)!! This day was starting out tasting very good!

*Next, arguably my favorite part, was going to church as a family! Like one member of our congregation said, "Sunday gives meaning to my week and worship gives meaning to my Sunday." This is so true in my life, but that's another blog. Although this Sunday was full of vacationing moments in itself! It started out with coming in after the song began (which is definitely NOT unusual for this family of 6!). Then a wonderful friend wanted to hold our Peanut, so in the middle of another song I crossed the aisle to hand her over! Of course, we sit in the 3rd pew, so only the whole church sees :). When it was time for "Noisy Offering" (the cute little kids dropping their "noisy" coins in the large soup pan) my daughter came back with a coin still in her pocket. Was she stealing from us, or from the "Noisy Offering"? So I made her go back and put it back in there! So we continue to worship until my husband looks over at me towards the end of our revival saying that our little Peanut is going to have a blowout if I don't change her! YAY! So, I get to go sight seeing around our church in order to go change a dirty diaper. Oh well, it gave meaning to my Sunday somehow, right?!

*We were on the homestretch of our vacation! We thought it would be fun to sight see around Faribault...on our bikes! Alright. We figured we would pull two kids behind one of us, and the other two behind the other one of us. Well, evidently the travel guide was observing the Sabbath and wasn't there to help us out. It just wasn't working with having to put our Peanut in her infant car seat and still have room for one other kiddo. So, we had to ask our Nature Boy to ride his bike. And wow was that the most gratifying part of this whole vacation to me as a MOM! Our sightseeing of Faribault was just shy of 15 miles...and that included a lot of hills! And my 7-year-old son biked the whole thing!!!

Of course we did stop to sight see. We smelled the wonderful aroma of pigs on the farms we passed. We got to ride on newly laid asphalt. We ate lunch in front of Cannon Lake. We biked past and eventually stopped at a beach for the kids to pick up cool rocks and shells with living creatures in them! And, of course, since the trail runs right into Dairy Queen's parking lot (genius move on the owner's part!), we decided to stop and get a family treat!

*We finished this wonderful summer vacation back on Autumn Dr. I don't know that a travel guide could have helped to make this vacation any more enjoyable. And the thing is is that much of this vacation was FREE! It was filled with love and smiles and joy (mixed with a little bit of sweat)! It's a vacation that I hope to someday plan again! And the thing is: I don't think I would change anything!! The Lord blessed me and my family with the time we got to spend together, and for that I am so thankful!

Trying to teach lessons...

Being a parent can be a scary thing. Sometimes it's the best job and sometimes I wonder how I'll do a good job for the rest of my life! Today something happened that just made me scared to be a mom.

My oldest, 7, is such a nature boy! He loves to catch butterflies, frogs, moths and dragonflies! Bees, however, is another thing. We've taught him (and our other kidlets) that if you leave them alone, they will leave you alone. We figured he would listen to us, knowing that we may know a thing or two! Not so the case today. Nature Boy thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if he poked a bee with a stick!!! Well, he found out. See below to see what happened!

I wanted to feel sorry for him...really! But we've told him to leave bees alone! Of course he's ok. And I told him I feel bad that he had to go through that pain. But I'm sure he's learned his lesson about bees. But what scares me as a mom is the fact that we try to teach our kidlets things, to keep them from experiencing the pain or hurt or humiliation from doing that one thing. But the thing is, they are still going to do those things just to be sure. That scares me.

We teach our kids that smoking is terrible!!! My daughter says she'll never smoke! Ever! We've taught her the bad things that ccould happen, and will happen, if they choose to smoke. But telling them this will probably not stop them from trying it, maybe not even stop them from actually partaking in the activity. Then this mom mind travels to driving, drugs, relationships, their faith! It's scary to me what could happen even though we've already tried teaching them about good choices for their lives!

I love my job as a mom!! And right along with my fears is the Lord holding my hand with His plan that I am blind to. I guess I just have to have faith that He is going to continue guiding me and my husband as parents, as well as guiding my kidlets, in our lives of so many choices. My prayer for my older two (who experienced this incident), as well as our younger two, is that sometimes it's not worth the risk to make a choice to see what will happen if Mom and Dad have already told them it wouldn't be a good idea!

My poor little guy, just being curious. Love you, Buddy!

Love Letter to my Husband...

So you'll have to excuse me for just today. Sorry.

Dear Bryan,

You are an amazing husband (and father)! And with Father's Day coming up I wanted to write you a letter.

You are so amazing. You are such a devoted Daddy. It's so fun to watch the kids with you, and you with the kids! There is a love bubble around you when you play with them! You have taught them so much about life in the few short years you've had a chance. They look up to you so much! I love it!!

You are a full-time medical student. You come home and still make supper. You help clean up around the kitchen and house. You need to find time to study, yet you give of your time as a family man. In the early morning hours before you leave you make this wife some coffee! When you come home from what could be a long day, you leave it for a while and bring calmness into our home. You bring a sigh of relief to me as you help with the stress level in the house. Sometimes it's so high we need binoculars to see to the top, so we can climb ourselves back down.

So that brings me to the next part of this letter. The part where, as your wife, I tell you you deserve so much more! You deserve to have someone who is what you're looking for. To have someone who is beautiful, both inside and out. I'm sorry that you have to look at this every day. Your eyes must hurt. You deserve someone with the same sense of humor as you. You deserve someone who thinks of others (to put on a garage sale and donate the money to a charity). You deserve someone who will let you follow in your family's footsteps and drink whenever you want. You deserve someone who will make you coffee (sorry I don't know how yet). You deserve to come home to a calm house; one that you can come relax in. You deserve to come home to a meal already prepared. I'm sorry that I don't give you what you so very much deserve.

I hope one day you get in return ten fold of what you give to me and the kids! I wish for you a fantabulous 2010 Father's Day!

Love,
ME

Skateboards!

So, we are trying to potty train our 2 year old, Alexander. He actually does pretty well! He was in big boy underwear on Sunday for the whole day until bedtime with only 2 accidents. And we even went on a drive up to Apple Valley and he stayed dry on the whole round trip!! But, in order to originally start getting him to wear big boy underwear, he only wanted skateboard underwear!
Are you kidding me!?!?!

Fine. I'll check Target. NONE. I'll check Wal-Mart. NONE. I'll check K-Mart. NONE! Really, I ask him. Yep! That's what he wants. Skateboards.

OK. Surely Ebay will have to come up with something for me. YEP! And here he is! Alexander and his skateboard underwear! I may actually have to find more of these. He does pretty good in them. Whatever works!!

Here are the infamous skateboard underwear!!

Cute butt! Cute butt!